I’m so tired.


I’m so tired

Maybe a little lost in my mind.

“Where did I go?”

I ask myself politely

“I don’t think you’ll ever know.”

I answered back.

“When will I be back?”

As I checked the clock.

I’m still waiting to walk in the door.

For now,

My eyes will close

And I’ll lay down.

Till we meet again,

I suppose.

Willingly, Silently


Healing
Brought on by whips
Death
Will give us life
Perfection
Unclean with transgressions

He took upon himself
The world’s imperfection
Offered up his life
To free the undeserving
Poured out his blood
That we might follow

Safety
Sealed by His suffering
Freedom
Given by a servant
Peace
Drawn out of pain

Willingly, silently, He walked to his death
Willingly, silently, He held out to the end

Worthy


You alone, Oh Lord
Created these hands
Now I lift them in praise
To you, the only one worthy
You, my God
Are my constant peace
So now I lay before you
My struggling broken flesh
Come, Oh Lord
Make yourself known here
Now I will profess freely
The name that I so love
 
You were slain for my wrong
Yet, somehow I forgot
You persistently pursue me
Yet, I tend to run
Still you love me
Still I don’t understand

Lazy/Busy


Busy is one of my favorite things to be.

I know it sounds crazy, but I love having ‘Stuff’ to occupy my time. This week is going to be so enjoyably busy, and after quite the lazy weekend, it’ll be nice.

Friday, My momma left for a retreat. I was home with kiddos for the day. I remember being very very tired that day. I drank some caffeinated tea per the suggestion of a very wise friend. It helped… a lot. I ran about and performed my pseudo-adult duties. Meanwhile, my father returned from work. He was super tired and he had quite a bit of work to do… He needed coffee.

Starbucks run!

I love my Pop. I think you already knew that, but it doesn’t hurt to reiterate every once in a while. We got coffee and I shot pictures through the windshield.

I came home and healthily, theologically debated with my very best friend. We had fun. We ended up laughing and talking like southern preachers.

Saturday was super lazy… I got bored. That never happens.

This week, I have things happening every day but Friday.

Now… I am rambling as I so often do.

THE END

The (rough draft) finished version


Seclusion

Dearest Akathartos,*

I am overjoyed to hear about your first assignment. This will be a season in which to learn strategy and observe the behaviors of the things ‘made in the image of God.’ This is the first and most critical of all the council with which I will present you: do not, in any way, create disarray of your current situation. The first patient is always a learning experience. You will, numerous times, experience great blunders and suffer greatly for them. So long as you are completely aware of this and you are ready to take responsibility for your stupidity, I am fairly certain you will come out nearly unscathed. Your initial assignment is one that holds great possibilities. The sons and daughters of those in ministry have abounding amounts of potential, though one miniscule indiscretion on your part and they could be eternally rooted to the path of our foe.

Let us take a minute to discuss the prospects of the circumstance in which you presently find yourself. The human to whom you have been assigned is the daughter of two ministering people. She can easily be persuaded that her parents’ ministry is strictly that of her parents. They have been given a ‘calling’ that does not pertain to her in any way and it is everything she can do to reside in their house for the next few years. However, when the opportune moment presents itself, she will be precipitously hastening, suitcases in check, for the front door of her parents’ home.

As the daughter of a minister, it has involuntarily become her job to be an example to all the children in her church and a representation of her parents. Let her consider this to insinuate that she must obtain perfection. As you and I both know, for the humans, this is an accomplishment far from accessible. The harder she tries the further into a depression she will sink. However, when employing this method, she will either come to terms that she is in fact human and needs strength that is not her own, or she will pound her weary head against a wall in great frustration.

An aspect of the ministry that fits with this quite nicely is one that we can use multi-facetedly to our advantage. This is the constant stream of people who enter and exit her life in the blink of an eye. The first way to utilize this wonderful phenomenon is to convince her that she will never really have any true friends, but only acquaintances that come and go without a word. This will render her alone and helpless. Furthermore, you are fully capable of bringing her to relinquish all acts of kindness and any desire to be in fellowship with believers. When she realizes that people are almost disposable – only a temporary asset to the whole aspect of the work in which her parents are involved – she will entirely terminate any endeavor to serve or invest in other Christians. You must, of course, be sure to guard from her mind the obvious notion that the Enemy is always ready to support her should she request assistance. In her state of abandonment, bring again to her mind that this is her parents’ work. She is cemented to ‘her daddy’s church.’ She will not be permitted to attend neighboring churches. I caution you: tread lightly with this because she might be brought to the awareness of her role in her parents’ leadership in the church.

With this we arrive at the topic of obligatory service within the church. Because she is tethered to the toils of her family unit, she must be ‘above reproach’ and perform the ‘duties of servanthood’ whether she wishes to or not.  It is imperative that you are invariably accumulating in her brain thoughts such as the following: “I am never able to do anything because of all that stupid church stuff they keep telling me I am going to do.” If you cause her to believe that she is perpetually being volunteered to do things for which she has not offered consent, she will come, gradually, to detest the very heart of a servant which her parents are so earnestly striving to instill within her. Loathing the enemy’s work leads to despising the enemy Himself.

A final thing that may prove to be successful in your venture to steer this daughter of a minister off the path to the Enemy’s home above, is to point out in her everyday life the sacrifices her guardians make for the work of the enemy but do not make for her. Also point out all the time her father spends away from the house. Whether he is out of the country instructing and serving other believers, or out of town learning to better his skills as a ‘shepherd of the flock,’ that is time that he is not spending home bettering the life of his family. Plant in her mind the idea that he would rather look after the sheep in the church family than to his family. Reason that her father and mother have put their church ministry above the ministry of the family. Let her dwell on this until it drives her to a state of madness and despair. Let her suppose that she can strive to earn their attention. She will soon focus on this aspect of life and it will consume her. Once again, the short-term friends may come into play. Continually recalling that tactic will assist you in countless endeavors in this particular case.

In everything, remember that the further you are able to generate thoughts of isolation within her you may drive her to a state of mind in which ministry is a thing which results in fathers abandoning their families, views being imposed on others against their will, and a serious deficiency of friends. There is only desolation and hardship. Under no circumstances can you overlook the fact that if you push her to her very boundaries, you quite possibly risk losing her. Transporting her to the confines of herself could result in the realization that her strength is not, and never will be enough. If this happens, always recall the Lack of Allies tactic. I cannot express sufficiently the magnitude of this tactic. As always, I wish you well.

Your dearest acquaintance,

Klepto**

______________________________________________________________________________

*Akathartos is the Greek word for ‘unclean or impure’

**Klepto is the Greek word for ‘I steal’

Tomorrow I die.


Sing with me now
My dear, a sad song
I leave in the morning
And won’t see you again
 
Hold me now, love
In your strong arms
For, I die tomorrow
Along with yesterday
 
Look at me now
My dear, with your eyes
For I live no more
In your memory

you’ve got me dreamin’


oh! tumultuous change, 
you drag me along
you’ve got me singin’
a different song
you’ve got me wonderin’
and you’ve got me a’prayin’
 
oh! unwanted sadness,
you dance me so sweet
make my feet move
to a brand new beat
you’re makin’ me spin
and a’makin’ me glad
 
oh! beautiful love,
you’ve got me down
i sent you a’packin’ —
leavin’ this town
now i’m regrettin’
and wishin’ i hadn’t
 
at last i can see
what a fool i made
of you and me
and boy! how i’ve paid