Wishes


Wishes

I wish it weren’t true

That wherever I am

There I am too

I wish it could be said

That I’m not always followed

By the thoughts in my head

 

My ideas have great elocution

But they’ve no resolution

I wish they’d lead to absolution

Instead of prostitution to myself.

 

Wish I could escape the drought

But at the same time

Not take the easy route

Wish I could carry only me

But somehow

That wouldn’t make me free

 

My ideas have great elocution

But they’ve no resolution

I wish they’d lead to absolution

Instead of prostitution to myself

 

I feel out of place on this campaign

Too self-centered to be ever free of stain

Thinking only I should gain

Though my life to yours pertains

Don’t want what once was my pain

To force my bruises to remain

I just want tangibility to sustain

Though I know what kept me sane

Is also what I can’t contain

 

How truly human am I

Scraping my skin with pottery

Sitting in the dirt uttering sighs

My friends tell me which way to go

To fake the path till I find my way

But friends, that’s not the way I know.

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Brave.


Brave

I want to be brave: brave enough to look at the disgusting things straight in the eye, brave enough to approach the monsters that look too scary to face, brave enough to live a beautiful story worth living.

I want to have courage enough to hurt in order that I may love, because love is not easy — it’s excruciating.

This story I am living is bigger than keeping people happy, it’s bigger than following authority, it’s bigger than being careful, it’s bigger than being watched and keeping in line.

Life is something wonderful that was created to be shared, and I don’t just want to share the pretties. I want to share the struggles and bumbles. Truth is, what I am living is messy. I don’t want order, I want beauty.

The beautiful part is this: In the mess, in the struggles and bumbles, I’m just struggling to figure this thing out, and frankly, I don’t always do such a great job of it, nor am I usually beautiful on my own. I wake up some mornings and want to kill my roommate for leaving a wet loofah on the sink in our room. Some days, I just don’t want to do what I have to do. Some days, I let a bad test score or someone laughing at me for the fact I’m praying for my mother who had bronchitis completely destroy my day. On those days, when I can’t see past myself, I pray that God will give me enough of His strength and grace to be beautiful in spite of myself.

Life is a challenge and a struggle. I intend to live it with all that I’ve got for the sake of loving and looking like Jesus, and bringing the Kingdom here: my life’s purpose is not to impress anyone.

Knowing


I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying lately. Most are just general thoughts and prayers. Some are thankful. Others are full of questions. You know…

One of the big things I have realized is that at some point in the recent past, I stopped learning God. I stopped giving Him preeminence. I stopped just praising Him because no matter what happens He is still just as good… And just as there as He was before I walked a few steps away.

Also, another big thing: Fellowship is imperative.

Image

Going it alone is flat out idiotically stupid.

On top of all that, I have spent time just rejoicing because He talks to me… I still think it’s a little crazy…

All of that inspired this:

 

Though man my hopes may fail to meet

Though life escapes my plans

My God stands firm

My God knows no defeat

 

Though my enemies I may fear

Though I run away

My God is stead fast

He will be forever near.

 

Those are just the first two stanzas… The rest is a work in progress.

Drilled into my head.


When the same verse pops up everywhere all the time, I can automatically say that God may be trying to drill something into my head.

Micah 6:8

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

This verse seems to be everywhere. The way I came across it seemed, to me at least, like a coincidence. But I guess there are no coincidences with God. I basically just opened up my Bible, and there it was. Highlighted and everything. I love when stuff like this happens. It’s exciting.

Babies


Dear American Christians,

We need to stop babying new Christians.  Soldiers are not babied before going to war, therefore, why should new Christians be babied before going into the spiritual war in which we are engaged? They need to be prepared for battle. Shown how to use the weapons, and how to fight effectively.

 

BEING A FOLLOWER OF JESUS IS NOT ABOUT LIVING  A CUSHY LIFE!!!!

 

Jesus never ever said, “Following me will be so pleasant.” Actually, Jesus promised that a life devoted to Him would be fraught with hardships.

We need to stop teaching bumper stickers and prosperity, and start equipping.

Soldiers know what they are getting into when they sign up for a war. Shouldn’t soldiers in the army of God know what they are getting into as well?

Okay, enough of my ranting.

Love,

Me

Found


I feel so close to tears

But I just  can’t make them come

I feel on the edge of slumber

But I cannot fall asleep

Where will I find the balance

Where to find equilibrium

My heart cries out

For something so much more

Something that is found in surrender

A thing discovered

Upon fully letting go

Letting myself fall

Trusting You to catch me

Knowing you’ve got perfect timing

You are the great rhythm.

I been busy, Yo!


I’ve got stuff happenin’

I’ve been comfortable

In all my busy-ness

I’m a-rollin’ with the flow

And lovin’ where it’s takin’ me.

Don’t blame it on me

That I haven’t been around

Blame it on the world

And the friends that value me.

Blame it on the books

Blame it on the pens and paper

And blame it on my shoes.

Don’t blame my fingers

They’ve been working hard

Don’t blame my brain

It’s oozing out my ears.

You could blame the clock

Maybe the calendar.

Worthy


You alone, Oh Lord
Created these hands
Now I lift them in praise
To you, the only one worthy
You, my God
Are my constant peace
So now I lay before you
My struggling broken flesh
Come, Oh Lord
Make yourself known here
Now I will profess freely
The name that I so love
 
You were slain for my wrong
Yet, somehow I forgot
You persistently pursue me
Yet, I tend to run
Still you love me
Still I don’t understand

The (rough draft) finished version


Seclusion

Dearest Akathartos,*

I am overjoyed to hear about your first assignment. This will be a season in which to learn strategy and observe the behaviors of the things ‘made in the image of God.’ This is the first and most critical of all the council with which I will present you: do not, in any way, create disarray of your current situation. The first patient is always a learning experience. You will, numerous times, experience great blunders and suffer greatly for them. So long as you are completely aware of this and you are ready to take responsibility for your stupidity, I am fairly certain you will come out nearly unscathed. Your initial assignment is one that holds great possibilities. The sons and daughters of those in ministry have abounding amounts of potential, though one miniscule indiscretion on your part and they could be eternally rooted to the path of our foe.

Let us take a minute to discuss the prospects of the circumstance in which you presently find yourself. The human to whom you have been assigned is the daughter of two ministering people. She can easily be persuaded that her parents’ ministry is strictly that of her parents. They have been given a ‘calling’ that does not pertain to her in any way and it is everything she can do to reside in their house for the next few years. However, when the opportune moment presents itself, she will be precipitously hastening, suitcases in check, for the front door of her parents’ home.

As the daughter of a minister, it has involuntarily become her job to be an example to all the children in her church and a representation of her parents. Let her consider this to insinuate that she must obtain perfection. As you and I both know, for the humans, this is an accomplishment far from accessible. The harder she tries the further into a depression she will sink. However, when employing this method, she will either come to terms that she is in fact human and needs strength that is not her own, or she will pound her weary head against a wall in great frustration.

An aspect of the ministry that fits with this quite nicely is one that we can use multi-facetedly to our advantage. This is the constant stream of people who enter and exit her life in the blink of an eye. The first way to utilize this wonderful phenomenon is to convince her that she will never really have any true friends, but only acquaintances that come and go without a word. This will render her alone and helpless. Furthermore, you are fully capable of bringing her to relinquish all acts of kindness and any desire to be in fellowship with believers. When she realizes that people are almost disposable – only a temporary asset to the whole aspect of the work in which her parents are involved – she will entirely terminate any endeavor to serve or invest in other Christians. You must, of course, be sure to guard from her mind the obvious notion that the Enemy is always ready to support her should she request assistance. In her state of abandonment, bring again to her mind that this is her parents’ work. She is cemented to ‘her daddy’s church.’ She will not be permitted to attend neighboring churches. I caution you: tread lightly with this because she might be brought to the awareness of her role in her parents’ leadership in the church.

With this we arrive at the topic of obligatory service within the church. Because she is tethered to the toils of her family unit, she must be ‘above reproach’ and perform the ‘duties of servanthood’ whether she wishes to or not.  It is imperative that you are invariably accumulating in her brain thoughts such as the following: “I am never able to do anything because of all that stupid church stuff they keep telling me I am going to do.” If you cause her to believe that she is perpetually being volunteered to do things for which she has not offered consent, she will come, gradually, to detest the very heart of a servant which her parents are so earnestly striving to instill within her. Loathing the enemy’s work leads to despising the enemy Himself.

A final thing that may prove to be successful in your venture to steer this daughter of a minister off the path to the Enemy’s home above, is to point out in her everyday life the sacrifices her guardians make for the work of the enemy but do not make for her. Also point out all the time her father spends away from the house. Whether he is out of the country instructing and serving other believers, or out of town learning to better his skills as a ‘shepherd of the flock,’ that is time that he is not spending home bettering the life of his family. Plant in her mind the idea that he would rather look after the sheep in the church family than to his family. Reason that her father and mother have put their church ministry above the ministry of the family. Let her dwell on this until it drives her to a state of madness and despair. Let her suppose that she can strive to earn their attention. She will soon focus on this aspect of life and it will consume her. Once again, the short-term friends may come into play. Continually recalling that tactic will assist you in countless endeavors in this particular case.

In everything, remember that the further you are able to generate thoughts of isolation within her you may drive her to a state of mind in which ministry is a thing which results in fathers abandoning their families, views being imposed on others against their will, and a serious deficiency of friends. There is only desolation and hardship. Under no circumstances can you overlook the fact that if you push her to her very boundaries, you quite possibly risk losing her. Transporting her to the confines of herself could result in the realization that her strength is not, and never will be enough. If this happens, always recall the Lack of Allies tactic. I cannot express sufficiently the magnitude of this tactic. As always, I wish you well.

Your dearest acquaintance,

Klepto**

______________________________________________________________________________

*Akathartos is the Greek word for ‘unclean or impure’

**Klepto is the Greek word for ‘I steal’

For Mrs. Gorby


I love my writing class. Have I ever mentioned that? If not, shame on me.

Here’s what I am writing right now. It is kind of a spin off of C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters.

Dearest Akathartos,

I am overjoyed to hear about your first assignment. This will be a season in which to learn strategy and observe the behaviors of the things ‘made in the image of God.’ This is the first and most critical of all the council with which I will present you: do not, in any way, create disarray of your current situation. The first patient is always a learning experience. You will, numerous times, experience great blunders and suffer greatly for them. So long as you are completely aware of this and you are ready to take responsibility for your stupidity, I am fairly certain you will come out nearly unscathed. Your initial assignment is one that holds great possibilities. The sons and daughters of those in ministry have abounding amounts of potential, though one miniscule indiscretion on your part and they could be eternally rooted to the path of our foe.

Let us take a minute to discuss the prospects of the circumstance in which you presently find yourself. The human to whom you have been assigned is the daughter of two ministering people. She can easily be persuaded that her parents’ ministry is strictly that of her parents. They have been given a ‘calling’ that does not pertain to her in any way and it is everything she can do to reside in their house for the next few years. However, when the opportune moment presents itself, she will be precipitously hastening, suitcases in check, for the front door of her parents’ home.

These are only the first two paragraphs. I have more, I just don’t want to share them yet.

Let me know what you think… Comment away, please!