Wishes


Wishes

I wish it weren’t true

That wherever I am

There I am too

I wish it could be said

That I’m not always followed

By the thoughts in my head

 

My ideas have great elocution

But they’ve no resolution

I wish they’d lead to absolution

Instead of prostitution to myself.

 

Wish I could escape the drought

But at the same time

Not take the easy route

Wish I could carry only me

But somehow

That wouldn’t make me free

 

My ideas have great elocution

But they’ve no resolution

I wish they’d lead to absolution

Instead of prostitution to myself

 

I feel out of place on this campaign

Too self-centered to be ever free of stain

Thinking only I should gain

Though my life to yours pertains

Don’t want what once was my pain

To force my bruises to remain

I just want tangibility to sustain

Though I know what kept me sane

Is also what I can’t contain

 

How truly human am I

Scraping my skin with pottery

Sitting in the dirt uttering sighs

My friends tell me which way to go

To fake the path till I find my way

But friends, that’s not the way I know.

Mender.


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“Be a mender.”

This is something that a good friend’s dad told me Monday night. It’s stuck in my head since then because when I look at my life, I don’t see a whole lot of mended things. I see a lot of brokenness. I see too many times that I’ve selfishly walked out on things that made me unhappy… Mind you, there are things that I’ve walked away from because I truly thought they were unhealthy for me.  But there are a lot of things, especially recently, that I’ve Fort Knoxed my heart from the hard and painful things because I didn’t want anyone to break in, or leave once they had, and I’ve walked in safety instead of radical love. I’ve been walking as if I was alone.

I was talking to one of my brothers, and we talked about the way that people in our family react to certain situations, and it made me wonder if I fall into that same cycle. Do I leave things just because I feel trapped, or when I can’t control them?

“There’s enough brokenness in the world, try to combat that.”

Am I a person that breaks things out of self-preservation, or am I a person who works hard to fix the things that have been broken? Do I just run from thing to thing because I can’t find stability within myself?

How do you even begin to fix things that have been broken in you and your life?

I want to be able to face the difficult things instead of running from them. I want the strength to be a mender.

Scattered


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My thoughts have been extra scattered lately, therefore, bulletpoints.

  • The God we serve works His restoration in the context of relationship, and therefore it follows that our faith is lived out in that same context. God’s love for us, our love for God, and our love for  each another is expressed within community as we grow together and build each other. (That’s where the encouragement comes in)
  • Isolation is a form of division. It’s also selfish. And stupid. Disembodied arms aren’t terribly effective. They just kind of sit there and stink and rot and stuff.
  • God created us with the intention of allowing us to be creative with our lives, just as He is creative. (It’s that whole idea of ‘created in His image’)
  • Paradigms are hard to rebuild and restructure, and sometimes the God we were taught to follow looks a bit different from the God we discover in living life away from that with which we are familiar.
  • God values the honesty of His people. Take a look at Moses for that one: Moses mastered the art of the honest prayer and told God exactly what He was thinking. One particular exchange between them in Numbers 16 is especially beautiful to me. Go read it… See for yourself.
  • The point of the story is the point of the story. When the point of the story becomes the pursuit of the minuscule, time is wasted. Sometimes those minuscule things are important, but that doesn’t make them the point. (I’ve spent a lot of time learning this one over the last 6 months.)

Brave.


Brave

I want to be brave: brave enough to look at the disgusting things straight in the eye, brave enough to approach the monsters that look too scary to face, brave enough to live a beautiful story worth living.

I want to have courage enough to hurt in order that I may love, because love is not easy — it’s excruciating.

This story I am living is bigger than keeping people happy, it’s bigger than following authority, it’s bigger than being careful, it’s bigger than being watched and keeping in line.

Life is something wonderful that was created to be shared, and I don’t just want to share the pretties. I want to share the struggles and bumbles. Truth is, what I am living is messy. I don’t want order, I want beauty.

The beautiful part is this: In the mess, in the struggles and bumbles, I’m just struggling to figure this thing out, and frankly, I don’t always do such a great job of it, nor am I usually beautiful on my own. I wake up some mornings and want to kill my roommate for leaving a wet loofah on the sink in our room. Some days, I just don’t want to do what I have to do. Some days, I let a bad test score or someone laughing at me for the fact I’m praying for my mother who had bronchitis completely destroy my day. On those days, when I can’t see past myself, I pray that God will give me enough of His strength and grace to be beautiful in spite of myself.

Life is a challenge and a struggle. I intend to live it with all that I’ve got for the sake of loving and looking like Jesus, and bringing the Kingdom here: my life’s purpose is not to impress anyone.

Worth Dying For


~

Yahweh,

You are worth dying for

Do as You will with my heart

My whole being

Is Yours

~

Yahweh,

You are more than worthy

Of every bit of dignity I want to own

So let my very image

Shine Yours

~

El Shaddai,

I am undeserving

Of Your great power in me

Let it be used to glorify

Your mighty name

~

El Shaddai,

Take this sacrifice

I offer up my total self

For you, oh, Adonai

Are worth dying for.

~

Realization


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I was at camp this past week. My group and I were discussing eternal life one night… You know those really awesome times when you have ideas and you  know they aren’t yours? This was one of those times. We were talking about how eternal life doesn’t begin after we die. As we were discussing, three little words popped into my head. They could quite possibly be the most amazing words that God has ever given to me. ‘Jesus is life.’ Eternal life is our Saviour. Think about it. Doesn’t it make you smile a little bit? It does for me.

These


These ears

They’re not blind

They smell the poverty around them.

They taste the hunger

And feel the need

~

These Eyes

Oh! These eyes have never been deaf

To that most distinct scent

Of hurt and loss

And hopelessness

~

My senses aren’t numb

To the world’s great lack

I possess awareness

Of what I have

And others don’t

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More than anything, I long to be here:

I long with all my heart to be in all these places, but I know that more than all of that, I want to be where God wants me to be. I don’t know where I will end up, but I do know this.

I am to radiate, to reflect, to spread God’s beautiful light as He refines my heart.

Drilled into my head.


When the same verse pops up everywhere all the time, I can automatically say that God may be trying to drill something into my head.

Micah 6:8

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

This verse seems to be everywhere. The way I came across it seemed, to me at least, like a coincidence. But I guess there are no coincidences with God. I basically just opened up my Bible, and there it was. Highlighted and everything. I love when stuff like this happens. It’s exciting.

Phlippians 3:3-11


 For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh— though I myself have reasons for such confidence.

If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

In Shining Armor Comes my Knight



He is my vicarious light
Enough, when I'm not quite
The healer of my heart's blight
He restores my sight
When I'm wand'ring in the blackest night
He loves me so despite
My shortcomings which He'll rewrite
He refashions my fright
He becomes my might
In His love I take flight
As He becomes my delight
For Him, my soul will ignite.