I keep having dreams, and I’m not sure why. My roommate was a fish and you liked to carry shoes.

You rode in my car for a few hours while I drove you to some unknown location. I tried to tell you I didn’t hate you because I don’t, but it was still really awkward. When I was driving in my rainboots, I couldn’t control my speed because I couldn’t feel the pedals. So I barreled at 223 miles an hour. And you just sat there in the backseat with shoes on your feet and a pair in your hands. You didn’t say anything to me, and that was just like normal.

If I could talk to you. If you would listen, I’d tell you I don’t hate you. I’d tell you that I’m not mad… I even love you because you’re my sister and you are worthy of that. I don’t even dislike you for the position you’re in. You’re beautiful to me because you were created by the same hands I was. I’d ask you to be my friend because I think that’s a possibility.

My dreams are reminding me of all the things I miss, and you, though I don’t know you very well, just happen to be one of them.


I dreamed a dream

I had a dream last night. It was sad… It woke me up early and I felt let down and disappointed… It was one of those dreams that feels so real that you think about things that relate to it and you work yourself into a panic then you remember that it was just a dream. When you remember this, you are relieved.

My dream went a little something like this:

I was fatally wounded in an airsoft accident… I was shot in the heart and I bled to death.

After I died I still was on the earth… My person… My spirit, I guess? In the next ‘scene’ I was carrying my brother Dylan through a hospital. He had also been injured in an airsoft accident… I am not entirely sure if it was the same accident that caused my death. He had been shot in the sternum and had a bad case of amnesia. I was carrying him and had the sudden urge to talk to him. He heard me but no one else did. Together we figured out what had happened and then we decided it was a good time for me to race down the hall and push his gurney as fast as I could. When you are either dead or very injured, why shouldn’t you have fun… Racing gurneys, according to my dream, was thrilling.

Next, I was at my home. My sister Kyleigh could not hear me. My mother could not hear me. Some of my very best friends  could not hear me.  I began to break down. I became afraid to talk to anyone for fear that they would not hear me. It made me very sad. In the end there were only four people who could hear me…

Are you a little bit depressed yet?

Also, I wondered how I would take pictures with BFF Becky… She would definitely wonder why she was floating in every picture and that could pose a problem.